don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school.

i'm really growing up, and i'm not sure i like it. i'm at the beginning stages of my life where i become a real adult when friends get engaged and have babies and i have to figure out car insurance stuff without my parents' help and get shots without someone holding my hand and it sucks. lately, my thoughts have been consumed by i'm only 19 years old and i'm applying to grad school in 7 months. what the what, i am not old enough for that!!!! i still feel like i'm too young to get into rated r movies, how am i applying to grad school in october? and with these thoughts, i also have to think about hard goodbye's and nervous hello's. i can't think about not being at tech 2 years from now because i don't want to imagine having to watch my besties' lives through twitter and instagram. i don't want to think about student teaching and meeting new people and job interviews and all those adult things. i'm comfortable here.

the best part of my week is friday morning at 9:30, listening to 8 two-year-olds screaming and laughing.  i learn something new every time i leave work from these little angels--most recently they taught me that i can be loved even though i have a huge zit on my forehead.  they remind me of my childhood, and my childhood was the absolute best. i think that's why i enjoy being around kids so much, because childhood is the most beautiful and precious thing in this world. and i don't want any kid to have that stolen from them. they deserve a childhood like mine.

one filled with disney movies. and one with dr. pepper filling the fridge in the summer. they deserve a mom that is willing to drive an hour to and from practice 3 times a week just so you can be on a mediocre all-star cheerleading team. childhood deserves a dad who works really hard, but still has time to take you to the pool and throw you around in the water and tell you elaborate bedtime stories every night. these kids deserve to have a wonderful dog who, although stinky, has always been there to cry on (from bad grades, to mean girls, to break ups, to leaving for college). a wonderful childhood is  falling asleep on christmas eve in your brother's room with your siblings and giggling until you fall asleep. kids deserve a childhood filled with VHS tapes, crayola crayons, and dunkaroo's. they deserve white chicken chili waiting for them when they get home from trick-or-treating.

childhood is sacred and wonderful and i miss it a lot. but i am also excited/nervous for the upcoming things in life. whatever that may be. i'm excited for different milestones. i've noticed that i spend a lot of time either wishing for the past or hoping for the future and no time enjoying right here right now. one day, i will look back and miss this so much (even though right now i can't see why since i want to pull my hair out from stress every day). but i will miss nights like last night. i'll miss dinner at el rod's, late nights with my roomies, and the look of blacksburg in the morning. so i'm going to enjoy my life right now. my stressful, typical college life. i won't be sad about not being a kid, and i won't get impatient waiting for the future.

here's to enjoying the right now. 

also, here's a lil chunky morgs (with the most beautiful mom!!) for some enjoyment: 

this is the golden age of something good and right and real.

although i've only been studying for an hour, i'm rewarding myself with a study break of blogging. i've been learning a lot lately, for example: maybe i should start washing my hands so i don't get sick every two weeks, maybe bean and cheese burritos from taco bell aren't as healthy as i once thought, and disney soundtracks make for really good motivational running songs--just to name a few. but mainly i've been learning about words and how powerful they are.

words can make someone's day or make them feel awful for years. i just think it's so cool how different combinations of letters make different words and different combinations of words make sentences. different combinations of 26 letters can change someone's life. whether it be "will you marry me?"or, most recently for me, "he's gone". life changing. i'm a big thinker, so maybe this just blows my mind because i'm weird, but i think this is something that's very underrated. words are beautiful and powerful and wonderful. so this got me thinking--while words are all these great things, they can be detrimental in relationships and friendships and families. all to often, we rely on words to get across what we are feeling. words are for the lazy.

here's what i mean.

last week i had 2 tests and a speech all before wednesday and i woke up monday feeling incredibly sick. went to the doctor and i ended up having strep. (side note: i thought i was over that stage in my life where i got silly sicknesses like that, but nope. and it was horrible timing). so i texted all my roomies and told them i was sick and warning them to be cautious and wash their hands and all that fun stuff. when i got home from classes that day, my most favorite candy and soda (hot tamales and dr pepper in case you were wondering) in the whole world was propped on my pillow with a note from my roomie, hannah. i actually started crying because in that moment i felt so loved. she didn't just tell me she hoped i felt better, but she let me know she was thinking about me by getting me my favorite things to look forward to consuming after i was sick. i'm not saying people need to buy other people things to prove they care about them. but that whole 'actions speak louder than words' phrase has so much truth in it.

that's where i got the inspiration for what I'm giving up for lent.

 i've never been catholic, but i do believe in God's grace. lent, to me, is giving Him control so something magical can happen. so for lent this year, i'm giving up saying i love you. (i know some of you probably got excited thinking i was giving up talking in general, but too bad so sad). i can say i love you as much as i want (which is a lot), but these words have been used as a crutch for me for so long. if someone is mad at me, or sad about something, or anything--i love you. while that probably makes them feel great, i want the Lord to challenge me to show my love for others instead of just being able to say it. i don't know the statistics of my next statement, so don't quote me on this--but Jesus served his disciples and made them feel loved, he didn't just run around telling everyone he loved them. he healed people, he loved the sick and sinners, he died on the cross just so we had a choice to choose salvation. so, these next forty days will be dedicated to letting people know how much i love them by showing them. no laziness allowed. i can't take the easy way out and just say it. and i'm so excited for this challenge.