As I sit down to write this post, I truly have no idea what direction it's going to take. Normally, I have some sort of idea what I'm going to write about because it has been something on my mind for weeks and I need to write it down to process it. But today, I am writing just for the sake of writing because I don't know what I'm feeling or learning, so maybe writing will help me figure it out?
This semester has been hard. I've cried at least once a week and have wondered how I will make it through the next day, almost every day. I physically feel the stress I am under and sometimes I don't know what else to do besides take a break and watch Netflix (recommendation: How To Get Away With Murder--so good, people) and eat. This is where my mom comes in. Homegirl loves to send me food. Over the summer she sent me a box (yes an actual box) of Chinese food because I was stressed. A couple weeks ago, I was planning my first lesson, and there is a knock on the door. That sneaky gal was up to something again and sent me Benny's AND Campus Cookies. If there was an award show for normal people, Allison Jacobsen would win Mother of the Year every year.
Dear mom,
First of all, thanks for sending me food when I need it most. Duh. I just want you to know how much I love, miss, and appreciate you. I can't tell you how many times I have said, "my mom is literally the best." Since this semester has started, I've thought a lot about how you have made me who I am and how much you loved me when I was younger (and now). There's a certain memory that keeps popping up in my head that reminds me how much you sacrificed for us. I distinctly remember one time when I was younger, maybe 5 years old, when we sat for what felt like hours playing a Rugrats memory game. You know, those card games where you just turn the card over and try to remember where it's match is? One of those. At first when I think about playing that game together I am just so thankful for that time and that I remember it. But when I am babysitting a four year old and I am exhausted from the day and drowning in all my responsibilities and he wants to play a game and I can't even pretend like I have the energy to play a card game with him, that's when I realize how much you loved me. You had two other kids to take care of. Bills to pay. Work to go to. Yet, you still managed to play a silly card game with me while laughing and smiling and making me think it was the best part of your day. I really don't know how you did it. I don't know how you are so gracious to all of your kids even after we say rude things to you. I don't know how you remember every detail of everyone's life even from miles away. I don't know how you've made countless dinners for a family of 5. I don't know how you work so hard and ask for so little. Like honestly, are you superwoman? Thank you for being my first best friend and for being excited to play a card game with me at the end of a long day for you. Thanks for holding my hand when we walked from the car to the store. Thanks for singing in the car with me when we would run "Erin's" when I was younger. Thanks for buying me countless Taylor Swift tickets year after year for that small chance I might meet her. Thank you for telling me not to part my hair in the middle in my school picture in 4th grade (why didn't I listen to you?! Those middle-parted bangs look like a curtain on my face... oh well, you tried). Thank you for sacrificing your life so that your kids' lives will be everything they had hoped for. We don't tell you nearly enough how much you are appreciated. And although I am hundreds of miles away, I am always missing you. I'm always hoping you were in the room next-door (snoring loudly). I am always hoping we could go out to dinner and a movie just because. Always hoping we can swing by Starbucks on the way to school for bagels and water. I don't ever want to think about a day that I will have to live without you because you are by far the most amazing person I know. I love you to the moon and back.
p.s. I love when you send me food <3
p.p.s El Rod's does to-go orders! (I like vegetarian H)
