I wasn't planning on writing anything about the happenings going on in the world anytime soon, but I have to write something tonight. I just got done making dinner and was taking a clean up break to listen to some music. Ben Rector's "When a Heart Breaks" came on and my eyes instantly welled up. Tears were falling. I thought about all those innocent people in Paris. Those taken too soon in school shootings. All the people who died in the terrorist attacks of 9/11. And my heart broke because I realized that this world is broken and we are numb to it. I am numb to it.
I vividly remember September 11, 2001. I remember the teachers crying. I remember everyone being very "hush-hush". Other than that, it was a normal school day. I remember going home and sitting on my next door neighbor's couch watching some news channel. We sat there and watched them replay the footage of planes hitting the world trade center. At this time, I had never been to New York City. I had never been on a plane. I had never heard of anything as cruel as this. It was all so foreign to me, that I felt somewhat disconnected to what was happening. I was in 2nd grade...how was I supposed to know this world is actually cruel and unfair? The moment it clicked that something was terribly, terribly wrong was when I looked over at my friend's mom and she just stared at the t.v in disbelief. She wasn't crying. She wasn't smiling. She wasn't doing anything but staring. My 7 year old self knew in that moment that maybe this world isn't all good things. A band-aid won't dry all my tears and fix all my hurt. My mom's hug won't cure all my sadness. Offering someone Dunkaroo's won't always make them treat you nicely. This world is so harsh.
And just like I vividly remember 9/11/01, my sweet class of 4th graders will probably remember November 13, 2015 in the same way. They will remember they had a substitute for half the day. They will remember they took a pre-test for multiplication and they wanted so badly to test out of this unit. They'll remember it was really, really windy. And unfortunately, they'll remember the attacks in Paris. They will remember seeing it on the news and wondering why it happened. They'll remember the look on their mom's face at dinner when it was being discussed. They'll remember realizing that not everyone gets a happy ending and not everyone lives until they're 90. Knowing this--I am heartbroken for them and all the other children across the world that are making these discoveries.
Tonight, thinking about all of these things at once, I was literally brought to my knees. I was on my knees on the kitchen floor crying for this world. The only other time in my life I can remember physically bring brought to my knees and crying was when I got the call that my grandpa passed away. I have no affiliation with Paris. I have never been there. I don't know anybody from Paris. I don't have any friends in Paris. But I am still heartbroken over the state of this world. When I fell to my knees, I felt the need to just start praying. Praying for the victims, the attackers, the family members left behind, France, the innocent children who had their first taste of what this world really is, and anyone else who was affected by this in any way. I prayed for the state of our world and for God to bring hope, peace, and comfort to all.
I know a lot of people will say (and believe) that prayers aren't doing anything. I realize that the prayers said in my kitchen through my tears won't bring back the victims or heal any of the pain from yesterday. But my hope and my belief is in a God that can heal and restore and comfort. He is close to the brokenhearted, and I fully believe He is close to Paris right now.
I challenge anyone who read this to send a text to (or call) loved ones and let them know how you feel. Don't take this luxury for granted because we live in a world in which that can be violently ripped away from you in an instant.
