this christmas season hasn't been very restful for me at all. i haven't really been able to soak up the severity of it all, which i am pretty bummed about. i was busy with finals up until december 16th and come december 18th, i got a bad case of the flu. but now, i am finally rested and well and i can rejoice at the fact that a savior was sent to rescue us.
about a month ago i found out my dream of getting into grad school at virginia tech came true! i had dreamed of it for so long. i had meticulously planned out the application process. and i prayed a lot about getting in. the day it happened i was overjoyed. i wanted to tell everyone. a month later, i am still very thankful that my dream came true, but, the feeling i had the day i found out didn't last. don't get me wrong, i am very much still excited about what happened. but that feeling and that excitement wasn't "it" for me. it didn't fill me. it didn't fix me or anything going on around me. before i got in to grad school, i remember having thoughts like "if i could just get into grad school then i wouldn't be stressed" or "then i can relax" or "then i will be nicer because i won't be worried about it". did any of those things happen? maybe for a hot sec, but not nearly long enough to count for anything. i genuinely thought me getting in to grad school would fix some of those things.
there is so much beauty and freedom in the fact that nothing that happens in our lives, whether it is good (like getting into grad school or winning a national championship [lol]) or bad (like death or illness or heartbreak) is ever going to have the pressure to make or break our lives.
when tragedy hits my life (and i can promise that it will), i'm not going to look back and say "oh, but i know everything will be okay because i got into grad school that one time". that's silly to think that! what i can say with confidence is that everything will be okay because a loving God sent his one and only son to die for my sins and the sins of my loved ones so i don't have to carry that weight.
today, i am still thankful for all the good things that happened in my life. but i am even more thankful (substantially more thankful) that our savior was born on this day a couple thousand years ago. this is a big deal, and he is a big deal. every little event in my life now doesn't have to feel like life or death because a perfect, sinless person was born to carry out his father's promise to the world.
i hope y'all have a merry christmas.
(also HBD to my bestie CJP.)
As usual- just beautiful! It's wonderful to know you feel about Christmas as I do.
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