first--how proud i am of ry. how someone excels at so many things is beyond me. not only does he juggle (and does an outstanding job in) school, soccer, and a social life, but he also never forgets that he is a boyfriend too. throw long distance into that mixture and thats a pretty hectic life for an almost 21 year old. i would like to say that i'm not high maintenance but i think i am a little. and thats okay, because its who i am. so ryan, thank you thank you thank you for accepting every weird thing about me (from my taylor swift obsession to my annoying voices), and keep doing your thing and shaking things up at "the" university of virginia (insert stale face here). i am more proud of you than i will ever have words for.
second--this will be really hard for me to do. it is the first time i am writing about my grandpa since he passed away in late july. my poppy and i had a special bond. he cheered, i cheered. he went to tech, i go to tech. he loved jesus, i saw what it looked like to love jesus and wanted that too. so he baptized me. i miss him a whole lot. while doing some homework tonight, a song came on pandora and immediately i had this ache in my stomach because it was the song i played over and over in my head when i knew it was his time to go. it made me miss my poppy but also made me excited for the life he has now.
and on that day when my strength is failing
the end draws near and my time has come
still my soul will sing your praise unending
ten thousand years and then forevermore
wow! some powerful stuff. the last time we had a conversation, i knew i had to say goodbye. that was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i struggled with wanting closure and not wanting to admit to him that he was dying and we all knew it. we held hands and we cried as we talked about life and love. we both looked into each others tear filled eyes for the very last time. i kissed his forehead for about a minute, squeezed his hand, and left the room. that memory will never go away, because in the words of taylor swift, i remember it all too well. the last week or so he was unconscious. his strength was completely gone, and we all knew his time was so soon. i know for a fact that he was praising jesus until his very last moment. and thats what makes this all somewhat okay. seeing someone so strong and so smart just lying in a hospital bed as the family talks about how he inly has a couple days left is so heartbreaking. but i can rest in the fact that he is free of pain and can breathe now! the holidays will hurt without him, but it is a part of life and i cant selfishly sit here and wish he was back in the painful world when he is in paradise. since poppy has passed, he has had a hand in some really grool (great/cool lawlz) things in my life--one of the people reading this will know what i'm talking about. my most amazing poppy, i love you. i miss you. i know you are safe.
so i know this post was kind of heavy, but i just had to write it down. i had to let it out because my heart was heavy with that memory. i don't even know if any of you will take the time to read about the loss of my grandpa, and thats okay. because this blog is for me, and if anyone reads it thats just kind of a bonus!
this was taken during our last convo.
No comments:
Post a Comment